Sunday, February 08, 2009

Super Silliness

I just had to join the league of Super Bloggers that has been using a website to create heroes. I was intrigued to notice how many of us chose to have wings. No real insight into that, I just noticed it. Actually it ended up working nicely as a way to get two super-powers; there's a special section just for abilities, but you only get to choose one. The wings, however, fall under 'upper body'.

Maybe I should just speak for myself here (don't you love statements that start that way?), but I wonder if us same-sex lovin' types bring an additional wrinkle to this kind of fantasizing. I look at my superhero above, and can't tell if I constructed someone I want to be, or someone I want to do. And yes, there is a difference. Believe me. I think he's more the latter, really. I wouldn't really mind being built like that I suppose, but I don't mind being on the scrawny side, not really. I see those guns, and I think, god, what a lot of work that would be. Sure, nice to look at and cuddle up with, but I just don't see me putting in the hours at the gym, especially not if I had to give the wings a good work-out too. And you know they'd need it. Snooze-o-rama.

(The red hair, however, is definitely my fantasy, as has been previously established.)

It didn't occur to me until after he was completed that I chose wings and what seems to be a pitch-fork, thus unconsciously going for some kind of devil/angel thing. I just liked the weapon because it was flaming. Plus it went with the hair.

As should be patently clear, I had no say in choosing the name. I'm not even entirely sure what the name is. His head blocks just a bit too much of it for me to be sure. Professor, I like that, cool. But then... what is the rest of it? Damp Angel? Damd Angel? I assumed at first it was Damn Angel (you know, flaming pitchfork/spear thingy, wings) but the N in Angel makes clear that the last letter in his first name is not an N. So I'm perplexed. DAMD, DAMP, DAMB, possibly DAMO... those are all the possibilities I can make sense of, given the font. Any thoughts?

Constructing the Professor was just the beginning for me, though. Once I had built him and seen the results from others, I became curious about how the names got generated. Not everyone with wings was named "angel" but two of the three I saw were. A staff seemed all it took to provide the adjective 'Walking' in someone's name. Not sure why my guy is 'Professor' though; maybe the logo on his chest. (UPDATE: Having seen a few more superheroes, I now suspect the weapon triggers the name 'Professor'. No idea why, but that's my present theory.)

Okay the real reason I had to construct another one was because there was this one thing I had to test. See, among the abilities listed there was a weird squiggly thing. My first guess for what it was seemed way off, because we had finished making choices for the face three categories earlier, but in fact my guess was right. One of the abilities you could choose was... a uni-brow.
I'm not really clear what special power that is supposed to give one, but it was listed there, not with the brow features, and choosing it meant you couldn't choose anything else, like the whip, flaming pitchfork, gun, or (my next favorite) bag of groceries. Yes, basically I designed this second guy around his uni-brow.

I decided not to put any clothing on this second guy for two reasons. One is, if I had done all the work to get that smokin' bod, you can BET I would wear as little as legally possible all the damn time. I had also considered not giving old Professor Damp Angel a shirt (you'll notice he's got no sleeves), but I figured with all the flying he might get a little chilly. One thing I know from too many dance concerts, spandex, even the expensive cotton stuff, makes me sweat like a pig. And you just know super-hero costumes get made out of lycra or absestos or something that doesn't breathe. So, no costume for the Caped Uni-Brow. That said, I will never turn down a chance to wear a cape, so he got one of them. Not sure how he's keeping it on, but looking at his face, I would guess staples.

I also just thought the gauntlets were cool.

My other reason for keeping him half-naked was to see if the addition of a uni-brow suddenly gave him body hair. I think we can all agree that anyone with that facial feature is going to be pretty furry, so I have to assume the Uni-Brow does some serious body-waxing. After that, stapling on his cape is probably nothing.

Once I had finished him, I began to regret the lack of footwear, if only because it creeps me out a bit that he doesn't have toes, but he does have toenails. I know, I know, artistic abstraction, but once I saw it that way, I couldn't see it any other. So, if I were so inclined to go back and make adjustments, I'd give him tights and boots. Just to cover up those creepy feet.

I won't be doing that though. I can't believe I spent this much time on these guys already.

Then again, I might want to try the uni-brow on the female prototype. Seriously, any idea why that is considered a special power?


Greg said...

I think the first guy is called Professor because of your smart use of color. I love how the symbol approximates your triquerta. I thought that's what I was seeing at first.

I DID notice the unibrow was in powers. Hmm. I wonder, considering his otherwise smooth nature if he can control when and where his hair grows...and the unibrow can reach out and grab you. A creepy idea, there.

Well, it wasn't enough I was thinking about the comic convention; now I want to go back and make some more heroes. : )

Birdie said...

I had to resist the temptation to make more heroes. I'd have been sucked in for hours. I really have to exert control over my Internet time, or I could be lost for days.

I think the unibrow gives great staring power. You know, like moms already have.

Jeaux said...

Maybe the Professor is damp from the Lycra.

Birdie is on it about the unibrow. Everytime I look at a picture of Frida Kahlo, a weird lassitude comes over me. I'd love to see the mask that you'd actually design for these guys, though I think the guy with wings and the fiery trident (which looks like it might double as a fountain pen) is more you.

Java said...

I'm pretty sure the Damp in the Professor's name comes from the trident. Trident = Neptune = water = sopping wet. Having climbed out of the sea and flown to the top of the building, he'd be only damp now. Though how he could swim with those wings I don't know.

Superman (my superman, not the comic one) built a hero, too, and also used the trident. His name contains the "damp" designation as well.

I've got the hero I fashioned after my image of myself posted on my blog. What I didn't post was the fantasy guy I built as my complement. You know, the one I'd "do." He looks good! I gave him tights but no shirt. Do you think I should post him too?

Yep, a time-waster, but fun!

Ultra Dave said...

Kind of addictive isn't it?

tornwordo said...

Funny, when I see someone with immense guns, I think, "Insecure much?" Because we both know how much gym time that takes. Another weird thing is that even though I've seen everyone doing this, I haven't even been interested enough to go check it out. That probably makes me the oddball.

Homer said...

I'm going to have to make one. The thought of a a uni brow reaching out and grabbing me is scary - makes me think of that episode of The Tick with the Mustache.

Jess said...

Let me go on record as saying you're not scrawny! You're trim, even wiry, but not scrawny! Geez, just seeing how flexible you are, most guys would kill to be in such excellent condition!

I have no idea what to make of this superhero thing (even though I've seen lots of friends do this), but if it amuses you, then that's a good thing, I suppose. :)

David said...

I believe the "professor" comes from the facial hair. I did several test runs and only when I added the beard did I get professor. I think the uni-brow trumps the beard in the naming category. And Birdie is right that even thought the trident is flaming, it is associated with Neptune and gets the damp connotation.

Super heroes don't wear spandex. Didn't you see The Incredibles? The get their costumes designed specifically for them so they are breathable and durable.