Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Some Clarification Needed.

Dear Brad,
So, haven't heard from you in a while, I was just wondering if we were going to start shooting this Summer. I have a dance show going up in late July, and a friend's wedding in Seattle on August 5th, so the sooner I know what our plans are, the better. But no pressure. Well, maybe just a teensy bit of pressure since every day we put off filming, is another day further I get from being able to play twenty-two. Just to remind you.

Okay, I'll admit it, my real reason for writing is to ask you about some news I read on other blogs today. Word is that you're working on a new film, and have decided you want a stunt butt for this one. Sorry, butt double, I mean body double, (specifically in the buttal region) I'm still learning the lingo. I just have to ask, what the hell is up with that? We didn't get to see it in all its glory in Troy, but what we saw, well, it was magnificent, everyone said so. Pretty much the best damn thing about the movie, frankly. There are probably other films that gave us a glimpse, Thelma & Louise for example, I can't really recall now. My point is, you've got a fine ass, or at least you used to, so I'm wondering what is going on here. Are you feeling like you want to be more judicious with its unveiling, saving it for the really special projects? Are you feeling a tad insecure about your age? Boy can I relate; which reminds me, any word on my plastic surgery? Just checking. Have you decided that it's undignified for an artist of your stature to be dropping trou?

Some in the blogosphere has speculated that this indicates a new possessiveness on Angie's part. Is that true? Have you been making her question the veracity of some of those "Brad wants Jenn Back" tabloid articles we've been seeing? If so, boy howdy Brad, be careful, man. I don't want to picture the possible repercussions of an angry Angie. My blood run cold at the thought. You do not want her gunning for you.

Maybe it's just that Angie said she doesn't care for you disrobing on film anymore, and you knew better than to challenge that. I respect that. But do you think she might give you a special dispensation for our project? Assuming we're still doing The Front Runner and not some period piece involving head-to-toe black Edwardian garb and lots of ruffles, then I really think we're gonna need to see that fine ass. For the good of the project. She's an artist, a damn fine one in fact, maybe if you explain it to her like that she'd understand. I really don't know the full story with this film you're presently working on, but please try to explain to her that hiring a stunt butt for our project will seriously compromise the integrity. Seriously. That scene on the beach in the novel, we're gonna shoot that, aren't we? We really have to if we want to do justice to the book. I'm sure the author will think so. And that's gonna put your butt front and center, as it were.

So keep me posted on these delicate negotiations. And please keep my name out of it. If I end up tied naked and spread-eagled to a bed with Angie in black leather standing over me holding a whip, I want it to be under VERY different circumstances. Or have I said too much? Anyway, I'd rather she not know my position in this matter. Thanks.



PS. Per Friend Jeff's request, (see comments) I tried to find a photo of your ass to include in this post. Much to my surprise, I couldn't find any! I was sure there was at least one from Troy, or Fight Club, but so far, zilch. Maybe you've always managed to avoid having your ass photographed in the past, and this upcoming film is the first time you could no longer avoid it. Is there something we need to know, Brad? Some severe scarring, or an embarrassing tattoo? They can erase those with make-up or on film (Angie can tell you all about it), so I doubt that's the problem. So this search for a stunt butt, does it indicate a deeper story? Can't wait to hear it.

I did, of course, find the paparazzi shot of your johnson, but I don't know how to post photos on here with that "click over to see more, NSFW" option, and I know a lot of my loyal readers check this blog at work. Besides, if Angie doesn't want you showing off your ass, what would she do to me if I posted a picture of your unit? So, Brad, I'll await word from you about how I should proceed in this manner. In the meantime, here's an amazing shot of your abs, from Fight Club, in honor of Jeff's fondness for that movie. Good GOD, man. With abs like this, how bad can your ass be? Seriously.

If you'd like to read my previous correspondance with Brad go here:


Jeff Wills said...

I just want to know where the picture of Brad's ass that should clearly accompany this entry is. I mean, we can't judge without all the facts.

Patrick said...

Good point! Why didn't I think of that? Brad? Got any clear images lying around you'd be willing to send along? I mean, it's all for research, right?

Melissa Riker said...

Yes, good god...how bad can it be?

Melissa Riker said...

I have to admit something - I've never been a big fan of Brad's...(no offense meant Brad) BUT
(NOT butt Angie, cool it already! Gee whiz)
After this 10 minutes of research for you Patrick, I've come to the determination that Brad Pitt is hot. Very.
Its nice when research can prove a new theory.

Patrick said...

Yeah, I went through a similar process with him (see my first letter, linked in this entry). I actually have a tendency to dismiss pretty boys, or at least I used to. It was years before I discovered how wonderful Johnny Depp is in a lot of his films, and how quirky and adventurous his choices of projects tend to be. So between him and Brad, I've learned my lesson, I think; give pretty people a chance to prove they're not dim-wits. Goodness, there's a whole SLEW of neuroses embedded in that statment, huh. Leave me alone.
Your issue (whether or not Brad is hot) is slightly different, I realize.

brian said...

If a famous ass has been exposed, I can find it. Not sure what this is from, but it popped up several times on a google image search for "brad pitt ass".


Patrick said...

Thanks for the fine detective work, Brian. You remain my computer research hero. It's still a bit inconclusive that actually IS Brad, since we can't see his face, but I'm perfectly willing to accept that it is. And he obviously has a fine rump. Assuming there hasn't been some serious accident or a whole lot of binge eating since that photo was taken, we can reasonably assume it's a fair representation of his present physical state. So, what's the problem, big B?
On an unrelated note, I've come to realize that if I want lots of people to respond to an entry, I just have to include the subject of nudity in some way. Not that I'm surprised, just thought it was interesting.